How dare someone ruin the most sacred of gestures we have here at work! Seriously, every Friday someone (& often times I) bring in donuts for people. Rob gets hired on a few months ago & out of the blue he decides that he wants donuts. So he leaves work after only being here for half an hour & proceeds to get “lost” trying to find a donut place (there’s one half a block from us). Two hours later (two hours that he expected to get paid for) he comes back with donuts & then has the gull to demand money from everyone for gas & the donuts! We didn’t ask you to waste your time, & we sure as hell didn’t ask you to get donuts. The thing is we’ve never asked each other for money when we bring in donuts, it’s what makes this office a tolerable place.
Rob, you’re so damn fat that you really shouldn’t be eating donuts anyway! I work with a lot of fat old men & I’ve got to say, you are the worst by far! LEARN TO FUCKN’ CLOSE YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU EAT, YOU DISCUSTING PIG!!! It’s so bad that even your hair looks fat, god that’s so damn gross. How do you even pull that off? Are your arms to fat that they can’t reach up there to wash? Fat hair is the foul, it’s a sign that you’ve given up on life & you don’t care about anyone else’s that you ruin along your way to a heart attack.
But I digress, donuts. So, to get you to shut up, the office all chips in to pay for their share of the donuts & in the end you have an excess of $20, which you openly admit. A couple of weeks later you go out & get more donuts, but oh, what’s that? You forgot your beloved Donut-Fund? Fuck you! Now you’re up around $40 & you haven’t made any donut runs in a couple of months. You’re an attention seeking fat man who lives with his mom & nobody loves you, but worst of all, you have fat hair…
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