YAAAAAWWWNNN

Oh man, was that a nice few days off or what (it was)?

So, I get back to the office & have a meeting with my boss on possible travel (yahoo!). At the end of the meeting she brings up Rob. My first response was sitting back in my chair, rolling my eyes, & saying "Oh, THAT guy."
My boss then explains how it's starting to dawn on her that people around the office (especially me) don't really see eye to eye with him, & that I should be careful so that people don't get the wrong impression... My distain for Rob has never been a secret.

Rob's meeting

Holy crap, Robert just had a really long meeting with our boss (2 hours or so). He came back from it looking defeated & tired.
I HAVE GOT TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED!!!

More e-mails form Robert J.

He only put in three hours today, I don't know how he gets away with it. Especially, when he only has these e-mails to show for it.

E-mail 1
I have began collecting several aircraft photos from multiple systems from the *** folders. I have them placed them in my rob in work folder for the moment.

Manu of these photos provide interior ****** photos, disassembled photos for future verification, and these photos also have other components, wiring, fusalage placement, etc that will be helpful later to decipher info for our work packages. I am not saying they need to be generated as a graphic but at this point but will provide a point of reference to aid in production of these WP. Also keep in mind if we should have any future questions for the Lead engineers when were request info from **** it will help to provide a photo even an old one to help them research any data we may need.

There are also several power point presentations from multiple systems that provide a short synopsis of how theses systems work as well as provide more drawings and photographs. I am still acquiring these but would like to know where we may place them on the **** drive once I have acquired all of them.


E-mail 2
The power points are only a few...There are more on *** that are extensively more descriptive and will have to wait til next week until I have time to move them to this dame folder.
(That was it! That was the whole e-mail. No explanation, just pure gibberish.)

What the fuck….

Rob just called a network engineer to come over & reboot his computer… How computer illiterate is he? I just, I don’t have words for how much I hate him…

Rob & the New Girl

Back the fuck off Rob, she's only been here three days! Why is he so intent on having everyone hate him?
On the first day, he found out that her son works for an online college, so he talked about how that college sucked for about five minutes (which seems like a lot longer if you’re watching them have this conversation). It’s not like he had an intelligent conversation about it either, you know where you make a statement & support that statement with fact or, at least, opinion. Nope, not Rob, he’s a class act. His argument went “Your son works at ******, they SUCK!” Yes, Robert yelled ‘suck’ at her. Way to make a first impression dick!
The second day we all had a meeting on our current project. During our meeting he starts telling her what she should be doing, & about documents that he’s read that she NEEDS to read. WTF dude, why are you reading documents that have nothing to do with your part of the project? Seriously, he has absolutely no reason to be reading them! It would be obvious by reading the documents name that it would have nothing to do with his workload, & who the hell does he think he is telling others how to do their jobs when he’s failed at everything he’s been assigned (the fist project he messed up had to be rewritten by me [I’m not a writer, I have no training doing his job, but I was able to do a better job in a shorter amount of time], the second forced our company to subcontract two additional writers to finish a job he didn’t accomplish anything on). Leave that poor woman alone & get back to work, she doesn’t even have a work e-mail account yet!
Now today, her third day here. She has a question, that’s understandable. She asks her question out loud because we’re a cool office like that. Of course Rob has to walk over & starts lecturing her! He's giving her answers to questions she's not asking & doesn't need. Rob even had the gull to get upset at her when she points out that those aren’t the questions she’s asking. How the hell do you get upset at that? Plus you’re full of shit & anyone who’s been around for more than a day knows it, she knows it, we all do.
Anyway, after scolding her for no good reason he walked out of the office. I felt compelled to go over & apologize to her, & a few of us had a laugh about it. I think we’re going to get along just fine.

Step off son!

So, Rob has no concept of “personal space.” It’s a bad habit of his that I’ve actually been making some positive progress on. His typical offence is walking right up to people while they’re in their cubical working, stand inches away from them, & start talking. He’s done this to me on a number of occasions, & on more than one of these altercations he’s actually brushed his gut on my shoulder, hand, or arm. Totally gross! He’s been better about this recently, with me anyway, because I’ve moved an extra chair into my cubical. Now when I see him coming I tell him to grab a seat, for the most part he does so obediently. Recently, he’s even stopped coming into my cubical without me acknowledging him first.
Unfortunately I wasn’t prepared for him a little while ago & he was able to sneak up on me, chub rubs & all. After telling me info I already knew, about things that have nothing to do with my job I walked out of the office to get some fresh air (I think he has a fungus growing in his fat rolls, because he always smells like rotten fast food). Not everything about this was bad though. Apparently after I left he proceeded to have a conversation with himself & was able to yell "Alrighty then!" three or four times in 1 minute. Then he started saying it with a British accent. I am soooo happy I wasn’t in the office for that!
So I guess the moral of this story is, “You take the good, you take the bad, you take it all & then you have the completely fuck conditions under which I work.”

I know he only wrote one sentence, but seriously how do you mess it up that bad?

Here is a portion of the email in regrads to the power and batteries fro *****...

Rob

Rob sent this e-mail out

Mind you, he's a tech WRITER!

Hello,

I have put together to links that should tak you to information that should get you going on the ****for *******.

*********

The manual with the most information for ***** and **** **** is as follows:
**********

The other manuals for *** and ****** have minimal *** info but the **** should reference you out if needed. (Keep in mind the the file is huge and slow).

***********

This folder has photos and old info on ****. Also there are power point presentations and *** documents that will give you a much better unstanding of what the **** do and the internal workings of the ****.

Anything beyond this for **** should be close to the location of these two links and there folders. If you have any questions as two how theses components work, tracking down the electrical drawings, or maitenance or troubleshooting questions feel free to ask me.

I hope this helps

Rob J

Quick notes:

Rob, stop,

No one cares that you've finally gotten around to getting your bachelor’s degree, stop.

Nobody gives a damn that you’re struggling to pass a math class equivalent to remedial high school math, stop.

No one wants to teach you how to use your calculator, stop.

Shut up & get your work done, stop.

More soda, more aggravation.

Holy crap, someone needs to tell Rob that there are these things called straws that can *gasp* help you drink soda without driving everyone in this office up the freakn’ wall. Now, I’m fully aware that he’ll most likely spend an ungodly amount of time sipping the last reminisce of his soda with said straw, but trust me it would be well worth it. He just sits with it, all day long taking the longest & loudest sips imaginable. Then when it’s too warm to drink, he’ll just get another! Office bureaucracy & corporate’s inability to fire anyone is killing this place.

Shiiiiiiiiiittttt…………

My ears are ringing because I’ve been listening to music really loud in an attempt to drown out Robert’s voice, if I keep this up I won’t need the music.

What the hell?!?!

How the hell does someone so fat have the ability to talk so loud for such a long time? I would have though people like Rob would run out of breath, lord knows talking is the most exercise he gets in a day. Do you really need to eat four donuts for breakfast.... oh wait, you're getting a fifth, surprise surprise.

Today

A coworker walked up to me today while I was sitting in my cubical working. I was listening to music & to get my attention she tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to see her with an expression of genuine sympathy on her face. Worried, I took my headphones off to see what was the matter, & she asked “Are you going to be ok?” Puzzled I responded “Did I get fired again?” This is an ongoing joke between us.
She looked at me & said “No, but your buddy Rob called. He said he isn’t going to be able to make it in today.”
I cried from joy.

An artist rendition of Robert J

Back to work, back to hating Rob

So after a much needed extended weekend, I'm back at work.
As soon as Robert J slimes in & gets to his seat, it begins. He has a desk lamp, despite the abundance of natural & Florissant lighting the office. He turns on the lamp & it shines, right into my face! What the hell! So I walk over & explain to him that he needs to either turn it off, or move it so that it’s not shining directly at me.
How he turns this into an argument is beyond me, but he tried. He failed, but he tried. Ultimately he moved the lamp four inches, a pain staking task for him. A small victory, for us.

Curious

Rob isn't here today, but we're having pizza delivered to the office (for someone’s going away party). I was sure that he’d be more than happy to eat other people’s share of pizza. Have I miss judged Robert J? Nope, he’s still an annoying fat fuck.

What smells like Jalapeños?

Oh, it's Rob...

The meeting

Yesterday we had a meeting on a new project that a few of us at the office will start working on. Just my luck Robert & I are a couple of those people.
The meeting lasted for about three hours, & for some reason Rob kept staring at me throughout the entire meeting. What the hell! I wasn't doing anything but taking notes the entire time! At one point I caught him staring at me & smacking his lips like I was going to be the first cannibalized in the meeting if he didn't get a hamburger.
It was the most uncomfortable three hours of my life.

Over the weekend!

So, I bought a new game this last weekend. I was really excited about playing it too! About five minutes into the game a new character was introduced who CONSTANTLY says "Eeexcellent..." I had to return the game.
Fuck!

Irrelevant Post

This post has nothing to do with Rob, but it was fun anyway.

http://www.gotoquiz.com/real_zombie_survival_quiz


Apparently I am 40% likely to survive.


***** & I only got 27%


Well...looks like I am the leader of the Zombie killing gang then. We are going to ***** Boys!


NO! Why would we do that?



Limited population, ability to get to the island fairly easily, ***** ******* **** would have limited occupants and easy point of entry, Gun shop on the way and large boats to get to the island. Once on the island, wipe out what little resistance there would be and farm it up whore!



That's good, but only for the short term. Zombies don't need to swim to get to islands, they could walk there. Especially ones that are so close to other land masses. How many people do you know who can operate a boat (I could, but if you get separated from someone who can, then what?). Worse than not getting to an island is getting stuck on an island. & let's not get into a debate on how much land a person needs to harvest in order to service. Plus what are you going to do during winters if you can't readily replenish your supplies?
It's a good start but I would continue to move north until we got to a climate that would freeze any roaming zombies thus reducing the likelihood of running into any (though one should still be cautious indoors while salvaging). It takes about five months for a body to decompose, so we wouldn't have to wait out the zombies indefinitely.
Bicycles, backpacks, & crowbars oh my! That's my motto.



Life on ******
How many people do I know that can operate a boat? 2 now...The great thing about ****** is that you could get there in a rowing boat if need be and would have access to do hit and run missions for supplies on the mainland if it came down to it. Let's not also forget the readily available supplies that would be on the island itself. The whole *** **** chain of islands is the perfect spot to settle due to the feasibility to roll into small communities like *** ******, **********, ******, and ****** ***** for supplies The zombies not on ****** would have no sense of smell across the water nor would be able to make it to the island very easily given the undercurrent. If they did start to overrun the area, we have multiple access points to get off the island and go somewhere else. If it came down to it (considering these are zombies that don't need food to survive) then we could make the trip up north.

Supplies up north
To drive initially up north is extremely dangerous...especially on land. There is tons of ground to cover there with a lot of zombies to navigate around. What's to say that when the zombies freeze that they could not thaw out and re-animate? Aren't most of them fairly decomposed in the first place? Wouldn't freezing them preserve their state? Furthermore, getting supplies up north would be far more difficult and replenishing in the winter would be almost impossible. The ********** has readily fishing available in the winter and that would be near impossible in freezing conditions up north.

Just remember what Jack Burton says: "It's all in the reflexes"



First off Mr. Bunny Rabbit (I couldn’t help myself),
I’ve gone kayaking in the Sound a lot. I’ve even planned trips from ****** to *******, which we never took because of the currents. The best time to go out is in the middle of the day, when visibility would be good, but that’s when the currents are at their strongest. That makes for really dangerous travel either way you try it. Though oddly enough, undercurrents aren’t bad. This is perfect for zombies who want to do some island hopping.
****** Island is not capable of sustaining people for a very long time without constant trips elsewhere. The problem with the whole West ****** is that there aren’t many stores to fill up on supplies. & with a population of roughly 24,500, supplies won’t last long, especially if we have to travel there first. Speaking of population, I did a census count of the areas surrounding ****** (most of the info was from the 2000 census to numbers have undoubtedly gone up) & the populations is about 451,434. That’s going no farther North than ****** & no further South than ******. That’s 541,434 we’ll either have to compete over supplies with or zombies to fight off. Zombies don’t have to smell you to find you. They just have to be out of food & wander in the right direction. All it takes is one bite & an outbreak can spread like wild fire.
Remember the conversations we’ve had on dead zones? No? Well you should listen to me more often. The ******* ****** is practically uninhabitable at this point by marine life. It’s practically a dead zone already, so, no fish. Whereas, I have friends who’ve worked on shipping boats. um where, oh yeah up north along the coast. Lots of fish, it’s how they paid their tuition.
So again, ****** would be a good place to start, get your shit together, & then make your way up North. I wouldn’t spend more than a day in the area.
Now, yes, there is a lot of ground to cover to get up North. But it’s possible. Even an armature bicyclist can get to ******* in a couple of days. & I can’t stress enough BICYCLES. They’re light weight, they don’t rely on gas, they’re easy to fix, if you get swarmed & you need to get away fast they’re unlikely to break down, They’re easy to maneuver through any blockades (broken down cars, or manmade), & it’s really easy to haul things with them (I’ve seen two of my friends haul a bed over a mile in a very short amount of time. Oh ******).
You’re absolutely right about zombies thawing out & being reanimated. But frozen zombies buy you time to prepare. Something that is impossible to rely on down here in **. No not all zombies are fairly decomposed from the get go, but haven’t your heard of freezer burn ****? Meat won’t stay good forever even if it’s frozen.
The places up North don’t need to have a constant blanket of snow for people to be safe. It’s just needs to get cold enough to freeze things at night, preferably year round. That way we would at least have a chance of getting a nights rest before we spend the day sustaining our way of life. Keep in mind that people who are already living up there, or who have vacation houses in the North already have tons of nonperishable supplies on hand. If need be, we just off a family & take their things, survival bitches!
Now remember what good old Ashley “Ash” J. Williams (Evil Dead) says, “Get the Fuck out of my Face!”


First off ***....Dead men tell no tales. You think I got a higher score because I am an idiot! WRONGGGGGGGG!!!!!! You should go to school and get some educulation (He purposely spelt it this way to make fun of Rob) before stepping in the ring with Balboa.

You can't be serious in thinking that you are going to able to bike your way out of a zombie infestation. Sure, when there are 5 zombies on the road and you need to go around them...fine, but to go up north you would have to first make it through the population you mentioned in your email. Sure...bikes don't take gas, but they take energy and you cannot even attempt to carry supplies with you as you bike through the harsh terrain of the ******* wilderness. Did I mention that ****** to ****** is estimated at 1,950 miles. That is full of mountain passes in which you will be going up to. I might be able to get on your side if you mentioned dirt bikes however. 40 mph is a lot better than 5mph when traveling.

****** is the immediate place to go when it hits....not, "hey grab the bikes we are peddling to ******." Why? Because the wide majority of it's inhabitants of ****** commute to the mainland for work. All around ****** island are numerous boats that we could hop aboard and make our way to a isolated island in the northern *** **** Chain or to an ****** island if need be. House boats my friend....house boats. At any point to where we were running out of gas, then we get the dirt bikes off the boats and on to the mainland. These dirt bikes would be the ones with sidecars so that we could actually carry goods with us. That said, the greatness of ****** and/or other islands surrounding us is the ability of flexibility. There are numerous stock piles along the western shoreline where the majority of this population you speak of does not live. Traveling on land is when the most people die in zombie movies. Living on a *** **** island affords us the ability to travel as little as possible....go out to the ocean to fish, and then come back. No zombies walking on water unless there is zombie Jesus in the mix.


As the T-800 says: Come with me if you want to live.



No I think you got a higher score because you embellished how much you work out/play video games. **** this is the weakest rebuttal I have ever heard, immediate fail.
You can get powered generators for bikes, they're amazing. You just need to peddle for a little while & then it uses kinetic energy to keep itself going. Best part is they’re not hard to run by. Gas is a big waste of time & replenishing it is just too big of a risk. Now, don’t get me started on the side cart issues. Yeah it’s a good IDEA, but they’ll take up too much room. What if you’re going up *-* & you run into a bunch of broken down cars? Well you could just pick up your bike & climb over, you can’t do that with a dirt bike. Seriously, the first time you come upon any sort of roadblock your vehicle is obsolete, & that’s not even with a side cart.
As for not being able to carry supplies on a bike, I’d like you to take a gander at some of the attached images. Sure you get into the same issues as having a side cart, but you can unattached it & carry your bike places.
Dude, people walk 5mph, one could keep a steady pace of 20mph easy. Sure, not as fast as your dirt bike, but it’s still practical.
OK, now how many people do you know who leave their keys in the doors of their car? No one does that, & so I doubt that people are going to leave the keys to their house boat around for anyone. Best case scenario, someone is nice enough to give us a ride. Your best idea was suggesting a boat trip to ******. If we can find a boat with enough gas, that also has it’s keys waiting in the ignition.
You say that living on an island would afford us few trips to the mainland, but all of your examples had you having to go the main land for supplies! What’s up with that? How long do you think gas is going to last you? There isn’t some magical, infinite, gas pump for boats, it doesn’t work that way. You’re likely to run out during your second tip fishing in the ocean, congratulations, now you’re stranded on a boat with no chance for survival.

As stated by the great Wolverine, “I don’t think so, bub.”



Grab a notebook...we are going to take a trip into reality. I have searched all the major bicycle shops in the area and have yet to find this kinetic energy magic peddle machine you so highly put your hope in. I would be inclined to put a bit of faith into this piece of machinery when the zombie apocalypse hits, but only if you order it and carry enough with you in a duffle bag at all times - everywhere you go. So as you said, "It's a good IDEA", but completely impractical.

Now your insinuations that gas would not be readily available is ridiculous. When the zombie apocalypse hits, there will be ample gas at multiple stations around the country due to the lack of demand (since everyone is a zombie). If one of the gas points is choked off, then you can easily go another 20 miles down the road to the next one. This would be completely feasible given a dirtbike (lowest CC if need be for lower weight restrictions). The great thing about a dirt bike, is that you don't need to be on a road to function. When these massive carjams come up as you speak of....just go to the side of the road and go around them. Now bicycling around zombies with a pedal bike in the dirt, grime or snow is far too difficult and a prime area to be snagged as food.

As far as the boat...you can go along the shoreline and when you run out of gas then huck out the bikes. No reason to put everyone's life at risk peddling through a entirely dense area of the nation. ....ever heard of a sailboat btw? It uses *gasp* WIND.

As Darth Vader said: "“I find your lack of faith disturbing".



Attached are the locations of all of the IMMEDIATE places one can buy a bike & bicycle accessories/tools. Also attached is a list of places to buy dirtbikes, all one of them. Face!

Ok that point been made, let’s move on. Say you do somehow, magically, get a hold of a dirtbike. How are you going to travel at high speeds, through the woods, looking at a map & compass so you don’t get lost, while looking out for zombies so you don’t hit one & die? It’s too big of a risk. Now say you do have to make a long trip (like for example when you realize your plan has way too many holes in it & you want to join up with me in the North). The best way to do that, regardless of car pile ups, is using the highway. It’s the most direct path you’re going to be able to find. Without them you run the risk of hitting a river, or some other naturally occurring blockage, getting lost (which would be a waste for the limited gas you have), or any other number of unknown scenarios.

Boats: sailboats are really hard to handle. It takes a lot of training, & you have to have a dead on crew working like clockwork to travel long distances safely. Even if you have all of that working in your favor, you still need the wind to be blowing in the right direction & I don’t know many meteorologists.



What road do we work on? Oh yeah...right, ***** ******* ***. The road that is filled with car dealerships and used motorbike shops all around. Just driving here today, I think I saw about 5 different motorbikes with for sale quotes on them. I looked at your map...pretty good for a novice; however, how do you expect to get to the nearest bike shop? Seems like the nearest bicycle shop is farther away than most of these places that sell motorbikes on ***** ****** ***. When all else fails, just go to the tittie bar because you know there will be motorbikes there. Go run and hide in your cave because I IS GONNA LIVE! ! ! ! !

Oh...Yes, you are correct that those places sell bicycle accessories. Too bad none of them sell this magical device hydrogen collidar that you put on your bike. Do they sell those right next to the Tesla Coil Shop?

How am I going to travel at high speeds on a motor bike in the woods? Um...hit the gas. How will I do it looking at a map and compass? You can get a small compass to attach to the handlebars, in fact many bikes have these pre-attached with temperature gauges too. The woods aren't going to be jampacked with zombies at every turn so you can clearly get your bearings after a quick stop. Hell, after 6+ years of land navigation courses through the military, it about takes a retard to go in circles if you keep your bearings ahead of you.

Yes highways are the direct path...the direct path to death. Those interstates are where all the major zombie population centers are at. Just think about when the zombie apocalypse hits....there will be tons of people flooding the roads with their cars and the zombies will inevitably follow. As far as the smarter plan, you take state highways and get a map. As I stated earlier, a little bit of land nav course can get you a long way.

Sailboats have other measures if the wind does not act in which you want them to. Motor engines and paddles to be brief. It doesn't take a genius nor does it have to be a huge sailboat. I plan on having no more than a small handful of people with me. As far as your weather argument...we work with a bunch of meteorologists. FACE!!!

Just remember what ol' ***** ***** does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, ***** ***** just looks that big ol' storm right square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, pal.... I can take it."



Ok buddy, when we head off to lunch today you’re going to have to show me all of these birtbikes for sale, because I haven’t seen any of them. Secondly, what are the odds of them actually being gassed up & ready to go? I know they aren’t just sitting around with keys in their ignitions. Have you ever bought a car? They keep the keys locked up son. Now, there are two things wrong with your “tittie bar,” assumption. Firstly, given the option who would leave their motorcycle around after an attack (& let’s not mention the fact that you’ve now changed it from dirtbikes to motorcycles, just like you’ve been changing your plane every e-mail you send me. What’s the matter buddy, you realizing how unpractical your plans are?)? Also, say they do leave their motorcycle in the lot, because they were turned into zombies, now you have to kill zombies until you find the right key. Good luck my friend.

Your assumption that zombies won’t be in the woods is one of the many things that’s going to get you killed (though considering how poorly planned out your ideas are I wouldn’t count on you living long enough to secure a dirtbike & get to the woods). So now, not only are you going to steal a motorcycle, but you’re going to get a very specific one that has a built in GPS & all the fixn’z? Get real.

Ok, on to the highways. Still the safest way to travel dude, & seriously there are always tons of ways to get around heavily populated cities by using exits, suburbs, back roads, & because you’re using a bicycle that works in the dirt (gasp) trails can be used when needed. All of your scenarios build you up with a false sense of security. If you do manage to live long enough to implement them you’d get sloppy, screw something up & die. But because your dead set (pun intended) to die anyway it makes no difference to me when you do it. Hey buddy, you should us a little bit of spell-check & grammar correction, it’ll get you a long way.

****, I’ve already debunked your ideas on using motor boats & paddles, I won’t do it again, it’s a waste of time. Who the hell in our office is a meteorologist, one good enough to predict the weather while on the move from zombies?

I’m freakn’ psychic

I had a nightmare last night. Not your typical nightmare, but one involving Robert J bragging nonstop about things he couldn’t possibly have (i.e. multiple SUVs, ect.). Fast-forward to 7 a.m. when he gets to work. He starts talking about these outlandish things that he owns & the idiotic stories about how he came by them. From priceless Greek coins that some guy just gave him, to claiming disability for being fat.
I fuckn’ called it! I hate how damn predictable he is, with his catch praises that he says all day long & his inability to conceive new topics to talk about. Not that it matters, everyone ignores him anyway.